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2 years ago ::
Mar 13, 2011 - 11:29AM
#1
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For most of the pregnancy my husband and I lived with his parents because I'm way too attached to my cat to get rid of her(She's just too sweet) and couldn't find a houe that allowed pets. But we finally found one (yay) and are moving out right now. They smoke. They've smoked the entire time. I barricade myself in our room all day with a fan on and the window open(even when it was cold) So I didn't have to smell it. I spend as little time out there as possible. They also drink(Beyond, way beyond a reasonable point) So my husband and I have decidied them being alone with her is way out of the question and isn't even up for discussion unless they stop atogether. But How do I tell them no they can't come over to see her. I don't seem them washing their clothes and showering and brushing their teeth and using mouth rince and washing their hands before they hold the baby(Washing their hands I can see). My sister in law has severe allergies to cats(She makes a balloon look deflated when she's even gets a hair around her) And there was our baby shower. I asked them to wash their clothes and use a lint roller and shower before going and they said she was over reacting and she would be fine. I don't expect them to believe the studies on third hand smoke, because there isn't a 'literal' high up there doctor who says it would kill infants. I don't want that third hand around my baby, but how can I tell his parents no they can't see her, without it starting a war?
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2 years ago ::
Mar 14, 2011 - 10:01AM
#2
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Hi Christine! I don't think you're over-reacting at all! My husband's mom and her boyfriend are the same way! They drink and smoke constantly in their home. I have allergies and asthma, so we just don't go over there at all. She has complained many times that we never go see her, but she knows why. We also told her that our baby boy is not going over there, because of all the smoke and woodstove that they have in the house. Everything smells. Even the shower gift that she gave us smelled so much like smoke, we had to get rid of the packaging immediately. If I can't tolerate the smell, I sure don't expect my little one to go through any of that. His mom is a bit upset and thinks we're going to leave her out of the loop, by not visiting... but we assured her that she's welcome to come over here anytime to visit! We only live about 10 minutes away from her! It's about the same thing with my mom too. She doesn't clean and there's piles of dust in her home. I can only breathe a short time before it starts to get to me in there. She wants to babysit when I go back to work, but I told my parents that they have to clean the house before he is going over there. Once again, my allergies and asthma are pretty bad when it comes to smoke & dust and I'm not having our boy over there especially if I can't even breathe. They told me they are going to clean before that time comes, so she can watch him... otherwise she's going to have to come over here to babysit or I'm going to have to find someone else. I love and trust my mom and mother in law... but I'm not going to put my baby in a nasty, smoky or filthy situation! Suggestion... do you have an air purifier? If your hubby's parents come over to visit you, running the purifier would help quite a bit! We do that often. If anyone comes over, who smells like smoke, we bring out the purifier and turn it in... they always ask if they stink, and we say yes! But at least we have the purifier so we don't have to kick people out of our house right away! lol Good luck... let us know what happens! :) Beth
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2 years ago ::
Mar 15, 2011 - 2:22PM
#3
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You're not overreacting!!!! They have to learn boundries, and you have to set them EARLY!!! Now I understand them not quitting smoking/drinking because you were at their house, but now it's a different story...you tell them NO smoking in the house...NO drinking at the house...and if they want to watch your kid you tell them they cannot smoke in the house or drink while the baby is there, or they can't watch it...that's all there is to it. My husband is a smoker and he goes outside or goes into our 1/2 bath and smokes because there is an exhaust fan...he's been really good about trying not to smoke around me. My own husband is planning on washing his hands and rinsing his mouth out before kissing or holding the baby...why is that, because he doesn't think our child should have to smell that or come in contact with smoke...he's a good father...so if he's going to be living with our child and do all that, you're not asking alot for them to do it every time they come over...you know as well as I do that my husband smokes more than one ciggarette a day, so he'll be washing his hands, using sanitizer, and rinsing his mouth ALOT!! and he's ok with it because that's what we both want, so make sure your husband is going to back you up on this, because without him it'll just make it harder on you!! My parents smoke and my plan is to make them wash their hands and use mouth rinse, whether they like it or not, or they won't hold my baby, that's all there is to it!! Stay strong and just know you're not the only person that is dealing with the problem, good luck!!!
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2 years ago ::
Mar 15, 2011 - 8:15PM
#4
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Second hand smoke or not - the smell alone is AWFUL. My mother in law smokes more than anyone I've ever met and when we used to visit her apartment, we would leave smelling like stale cigarettes even if she hadn't smoked while we were there. The apartment just smelled THAT BAD. And ditto to what someone else said about gifts that stink like smoke! But just like smoking is a habit, so is the way individuals care for themselves. My father and step mother smoke on a very regular basis - outside of their home in their "smoking jackets" (they have coats they keep in the garage just for smoking in so that not so much of it gets on their clothes) and they ALWAYS wash their hands and at least pop a piece of gum. They know their habit is a bad one and that it's hard for other people to deal with. They don't even like the residual smell either! My mother in law is the complete opposite and we found it very difficult to try to talk to her about cleaning up. My advice to you would be not to go to their home, and to absolutely insist they wash their hands before holding the baby when they visit with you. It's actually a great rule for all visitors. And I agree with Beth about running an air purifier. It's YOUR home, YOUR baby, YOUR rules. Enforce it consistently, and soon they'll so it without prompting. And you never know - the good habits just might run into their own home lives! Good luck!
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