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11 months ago ::
Jul 17, 2012 - 12:53PM
#1
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I need some serious help on this one. A couple months ago a friend of mine offered to throw me a baby shower. I told her that would be awesome and I wanted to be able to help some, and I didn't expect her to pay for ALL of it. I ended up doing the guest list and ordering and sending invites. After that everything went downhill. Every time I tried to talk to her about the shower she would stall, change the subject, or ignore me. I sent texts, emails, phone calls, and asked in person. About 2 weeks ago now I asked her straight out if she was going to buy anything for the shower and she said no. I asked her if she was going to buy any food, and she said no. Up until then I had done everything which had only consisted of the guest list and invites, finding the venue, and planning the rough draft of the menu. So I got on the phone to my sister who lives 4 hours away, my mom, and another friend and vented. They all offered to help me. My sister paid for all of the decorations and made signs and got all the stuff for the games, and is helping me buy the food, my friend is making the cake, and my mom is paying for all the silverware and such.
The friend who offfered to throw the shower has all the credit for hosting the shower, I put "hosted by ___" on the invitations. How do I let everyone at the shower know that this friend had NOTHING to do with the baby shower? I kind of want to announce the "thank-you for making it possible" out loud to the guests, or put little notes in the take-home gift bags. What would you do?
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11 months ago ::
Jul 17, 2012 - 3:35PM
#2
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I am so sorry that you have to deal with all of this especially so far into your pregnancy (Im guessing you're about 28-32 weeks pregnant, no?) 1. Your "friend" is not a friend. If she offered to pay, she should have. If something came up, she should have mentioned it. If you have upset her in some way for her to seek revenge, she should have realized that you are going through some major stages right now and should have spoken to you. Ignoring the problem or avoiding it is childish and you should not have to ask and ask and ask for your "friend" to answer. 2. Many people will say that it does not matter who did what, blah blah blah. It's a party to celebrate the living that you are bringing into this world. But I will be damned if someone gets credit for something that they did not do. If you want, and can afford, have the guest sign in book have a mini invite look to it such as date of event, your name, baby name if you know it, hosted by, and special thanks to your mom, sister, etc. You dont want to make a public announcent out loud because it would look in bad taste even though that would be what I would be DYING to do. 3. Im hoping this friend is not attending. And it does not matter if they're sorry or that they didn't want to upset you or didn't know how to tell you this or that they were going through something personal, it's a lot harder to deal with an event that is approaching, that people are driiving/flying to to attend. I don't believe there is an excuse. I can only imagine the stress of not knowing and having to ask people. Not cool. All in all, if you need to make it known that you and your made the party happen, make sure who ever IS hosting announces their name, and I'm pretty sure no one will remember what the invite said, unless said friend was really known and therefore they will see that they are no longer hosting nor attending, so your problem solves itself.
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11 months ago ::
Jul 17, 2012 - 7:48PM
#3
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Thank you for your reply! It was helpful. Oh btw I am 34 weeks right now :) I wanted to get some further info on the sign in book. Would this just be some sort of photo album or something like that where the people sign or say something to me or baby? And in it I should put my info and something like special thanks to so and so for making the shower happen? To be honest I have no idea if this friend is showing up or not. I haven't talked to her in any way, not even via text in over 3 days. Ha some host, hasn't even called to see if everything is ready to go... Whatever. I don't want to deal with a fight right now so I will just see if she shows. I won't un-invite her because I don't want a dramatic scene or fight. Maybe someday I will tell her how effed up it was to offer then not do a damn thing, not even give ideas. Oh well. This was a lesson learned.
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11 months ago ::
Jul 17, 2012 - 10:44PM
#4
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Ok so i thought it over. maybe a regular sign in sheet for guests (make sure they sign! many ignore it. And then a picture of you pregnant and your boyfiriend/husband or alone and at the bottom have the babys name or yours or both, the date of the event, the time, place, blah blah, hosted by yada yada and special thanks to so and so and put that in a nice frame. you can even print this on a computer with nice font on thick paper and the photo you can many times print that too on photo paper. im not sure how much time you have left til the event or birth even. example:(obviously not wedding related) 
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11 months ago ::
Jul 18, 2012 - 2:25AM
#5
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Im sorry that your so called friend bailed on you like that. Im sure you know, that's not a real anyway. Anyhow, what i would do is make a big announcement of thanks to those that actually made it happen and also a little card of such, to say the same thing again. So basically, what you just said. Why would you want to give credit to someone that didnt even do anything...
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11 months ago ::
Jul 20, 2012 - 4:17AM
#6
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That stinks! Some friend! I think that you are over thinking the whole thing. You can have another friend or family member step in and take her place. I am sure someone would be happy to help out given the situation. Best wishes for a grand baby shower! I think your friends and family will understand. Tammy
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11 months ago ::
Jul 23, 2012 - 10:50AM
#7
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It's a lot of stress when someone offeres to PAY for a babyshower and they bails. You now have to deal with the mess she's left. How would you feel if you send out invitations and then you have no money to cover the cake or venue etc, its stressful especially when you have to try and track down the "host" to confirm that she's not planning on helping. If someone offers to payfor a shower, it's because they either have the money or because the mom-to-be could not afford it and they were being nice to give her a shower
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11 months ago ::
Jul 23, 2012 - 3:35PM
#8
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Thank you all for your replies. It helped to know I was right by feeling mad. It turned out the "host" didn't show. "Something came up". Which was just as well cuz I didn't have to be mad at her all day and pretend to be nice. The party was on Saturday and my sister came up Friday. My sister really stepped in and in 24 hours her and I did all the food shopping and preparation, last minute purchases, and set up the party the next morning. She lives 4 hours away so all we had was 24 hours!!! It turned out my mom, sister, and grandma all helped pay for the shower and a friend of mine paid for, baked, and decorated the cake. I went with the guest book sign in which had the ultrasound picture, then I wrote in Welcome Baby, hosted by (my sister), and special thanks to, and decorated it with stickers. It looked super nice!!! and it will be a wonderful keepsake!
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11 months ago ::
Jul 25, 2012 - 12:46PM
#9
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That was so nice of your sister and family to step in and help out. What a blessing. I know the baby shower is long over and everything but I am glad it turn out well. I just wanted to say, I learnt over the years that alot of times people say I am gonna do this and they just be talking. I had a friend that once asked me to be her son godmother and then turn around and asked someone else. Then later was talking to me and was like my sons godmother this and I'm like I thought I was your son godmother then she was like well he can have two. And I was like well it's fine with me I already had enough kids of my own. Honestly it was a relieved to me that she got someone else because honestly I did not want the responsibility but I was willing to take it because she was my friend. And also I had a friend that once asked me to plan her wedding then turn around and call me back and told me that she got someone else to do it because she knew I be busy and all. I was actually looking forward to helping her plan her wedding and it did hurt my feelings and I told her when she mention that the girl wasn't gonna be able to help her with it. But, I know I done told you some of my stories but I just learnt not to depend on people because people will fail you and push you aside and alot times the say things before they think it through. Sometimes you get excited and your feelings at the moment get the best of you. Then later on you are like what did I get my self into.
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