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12 months ago ::
Jul 05, 2012 - 7:23PM
#1
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I need some serious help. My daughter is 14 days shy of being 6 years old going into First Grade. She weigh less than 30lbs and has always been tiny and has been extremely picky with her food. For the past few years when I was a single mom I only fed her what SHE wanted, not what I was making for dinner. Which consisted mainly of chicken nuggets, mac n cheese, spaghetti, pb&j and maybe a few other things, nothing extremely healthy however. I have been making one meal for our family and not making her a separate meal. She throws a fit the whole time and would rather get her toys taken away and sit in her room alone, not go anywhere fun than eat these meals. We don't eat weird food either(grilled chicken, pork chops, chicken legs, potatoes, hamburgers, cheeseburgers, hot dogs, etc) We make her sit there for an hour and eat, she would sit there all night and not eat anything if she could. But lately its gotten worse, she use to love froot loops for breakfast and she wont even finish that now, and I don't give her large portions because she is so tiny and I know she wont finish it. I've started giving her Pediasure drinks to make sure she gets her nutrients that she isn't eating. Now she throws fits at meals and throws fits for no reason and is completely rude to me bossing me around and yelling at me telling me I hate her. I just don't know what to do. I have a 10 month old girl and My fiance has been the one who is able to get through to my daughter but when he is gone, I go crazy and just give in. Does anyone have any advice on how to get her to eat her meals and advice on what I should do for punishments? She just doesn't care if I take her stuff away or not let her do something.... I want to fix this now so in the future it doesnt get worse. Thanks in advance-
A worn out stay at home mom.
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12 months ago ::
Jul 09, 2012 - 8:29PM
#2
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Hi Brooke, sorry you're having a tough time with this. These issues can be so frustrating! You probably should check in with her doc, if you haven't already, just to make sure that she's not in any health danger. If she's otherwise healthy, this sounds to me like a control issue. Perhaps she's upset that things have changed in your lives. A new man in your lives, a new baby, and new rules is pretty overwhelming.
I suggest making mealtime a battle free zone. I've read that kids are more open to new foods when they are presented with a familiar food. Maybe you can offer her something she likes along with each meal. Don't make a big deal if she doesn't eat everything. I would make sure that the thing she likes is the healthier of her favorites. Also offer a variety of condiments an dips for her to choose from with each meal. Maybe she'll eat chicken or porkchops if she can dip them in ketchup or ranch dressing. And it's okay to add cheese or butter to veggies to make them more appetizing as long as it is a modest amount. I have very picky nieces and nephews, but I usually don't have too much trouble getting them to eat what I serve. Food battles are usually just power struggles. So keep at it! Be positive if she tries something new, but not overly complementary since it's really what she should be doing anyway. A sincere thank you is usually all the encouragement they need. My daughter will stop doing something if too big a fuss is made over her.
I know that wasting food is not generally recommended, but I've also read that parents should serve the recommended serving size on their kids plates because it encourages them to recognize proper potion sizes, and helps them feel that they are in charge of eating until they feel full. Not focusing on cleaning their plate.
You are leading by example by showing her that you are willing to eat a variety of foods. If you have the energy, let her help you make the shoping list by telling you one favorite food she would like to have and asking her if there is a different food she would like to try. If you take her shopping encourage her to pick out something she would like to try at home. Let her help prepare meals if you can. Ask if there are any foods that she has had at a friends house that she would like to have at home. Maybe get some kid cookbooks from the library and let her pick out some recipies.
Most important, be patient. Progress may come in tiny steps and take a long time to see real changes, but consistency and creativity and patience will pay off!
I hope this helps at least a little! :)
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12 months ago ::
Jul 10, 2012 - 12:34PM
#3
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Hi! I've noticed my picky 4yr old eats better with no pressure. I have learned that he is not going to starve and that some days he'll eat me out of house and home and others not at all. I've seen so many parents stress so much over how their kids eat and to me it's overwhelming to all involved.
I offer him tons of healthy options and also the "fun" stuff too. Hey, I grew up on fruit roll ups and hot dogs. My Mom always made healthy meals also. I'm a fit adult, athletic and make good food choices now.
My husband is always over doing it at the dinner table to get our son to eat. And it just stresses us all out. He feels rewarded when he eats, but it's not really a win for anyone. Because after repeating 20 times eat this eat that he's only eating to get him to stop. And where is that really getting him?
I also feel everywhere you turn there is this doctor or this specialist telling us what to and not to eat. That, as well, is overwhelming. Drink bottled water, don't drink bottled water. I think at this age it is important to establish the importance of the quality of time you spend together at the table and when they are old enough to understand why they need to make healthier choices then it will fall into place. These kids are to young to understand why they need the vitamins from a sweet potato and they don't care.
Trust me. When your daughter starts breaking out and wants to impress boys she's gonna want to put healthier food in her body to make that happen! lol
I've also seen to many adults put the portions on a kids plate they feel they should be eating. Has anyone seen the reports about how America is over weight?? We should all eat until we are satisfied and not until our plates are cleaned and Mom and Dad say we are done.
Sure it's a pain making something for the kids to eat besides what you are having for dinner, but to me it's that they eat and not that they fight with me and the day/night just be stressed out. I know kids that grew up on peanut butter and fluff and make awesome food choices now as adults. Now I'm not saying I give him whatever he wants. I offer a lot of healthy options and I do explain to him it's good for this reason or that reason. Or even that it'll make him stronger or faster than Daddy....lol. I take my time when he is fighting me. If he wants one thing I'll take my time so sometimes eventually he'll just give in he's so hungry.
Final though: Your daughter has had a lot to adjust to it sounds like. I would talk to both your doctor about it and even some folks at her school. For example her Kindergarten teacher, school nurse, new 1st grade teacher or guidance/social worker. They may have suggestions for you. Doesn't hurt to ask.
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12 months ago ::
Jul 12, 2012 - 6:33PM
#4
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First, I feel your pain! How can these cute little people be such little turds at times? I have picky eaters too. The only thing I can do is share what works for me. I make a meal for the whole family. The kids either eat it or they don't. If they say they don't like it they need to show me they really don't like it by taking what we call a "No thank you bite" If in fact they don't like it they can have a piece of fruit or eat as much fruit as they want until they are full. I don't make anything additional. One night my son was in a mood and didn't like what was on the table and didn't want fruit so he went to bed hungry, I ended up giving him a banana while he was in bed because I really didn't weant his bad mood to get worse. That's what works for us. It's hard sometimes trying to figure out what works for you as well as the kids. We see a therapists and she said that sometimes offering oprions at that age works well. Like: "I made hamburgers for dinner, would you like hamburger or a peanutbutter and jelly sandwich" I hope that helps. Keep up the good work mommy! Tammy
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12 months ago ::
Jul 13, 2012 - 5:03AM
#5
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Oh I forgot to mention something! This has helped make meals more polite at our house with both our kids and any visitors. We have a house rule that no one is allowed to say that the food is gross, disgusting, or yucky. If the kids try something they don't like, we taught them to say, "no thank you, this isn't my favorite," or to just leave it without comment and eat the rest they like. We explain to them and to the many children in and out of our home that a meal is something nice that someone has worked hard to make for them. Sometimes, just like a present, they may not like it, but we feel they should still be polite and thankful for the effort.
Obviously, they are not perfect at this technique, but over the years they have really done well with it. I tell them that I won't make them eat anything truly gross, so they have no reason not to at least try what is served, and I respect when there are foods that they really are not crazy about.
Funny story - My husband really likes oysters but they are expensive when we eat out. So I thought I would try and use them in a dish at home. I bought some smoked oysters and looked up recipies and found a linguini one that I thought he would like. I cook this meal, but when I open the oysters, I remember why I'm not a big seafood eater. Pew! But I think that the sauce and pasta will help mellow it. We sit down to eat and the kids do just fine, they obviously don't love it, but they both ate a good portion without any complaints. My husband LOVES it. I mean loves, he was very impressed. Meanwhile, I am forcing my self to keep taking a bite at a time, until I just can't. I know that if I take another bite I am going to throw up. Later, my husband told me how much he loved it and wanted me to make it again, I told him "no thank you, it's not my favorite!"
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12 months ago ::
Jul 13, 2012 - 6:26AM
#6
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I think you should make a proper schedule for your kid as they need it after every three to four hours. They actually need three meals, two snacks, and lots of fluids. If we plan all these, our child's diet will be much more balanced and healthy. I would suggest you to make a variety of healthy meals & snacks having smiley-face pancakes and give foods creative names to induce eating habit for your kids. You can use cookie cutters to turn toast into hearts and stars, which the children love.
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12 months ago ::
Jul 13, 2012 - 9:03AM
#7
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I do have to commend all of you ladies on how you get your children to eat. I luckily don't have this problem my kids will literally eat anything you say is edible! I do have to say tough we also do not allow them to say a food is grosss or disgusting. On the occaional night we may eat something the have not tried we tell them they have to at least try it before they form an opinion on it. Almost all the time they end up liking it and eating the whole meal they know we are not gonna make them eat something we know they won't like.
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12 months ago ::
Jul 13, 2012 - 9:29PM
#8
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First off, thanks for everyones input. I guess its alot harder than stated. My daughter WON'T even eat or try anything that isnt chicken nuggets, mac n cheese, pb&j, froot loops. I've provided ranch and ketchup but that doesn't even work. I beg, bribe, challenge. Nothing works. I am taking her to the doctor next week to get their input because I am at a loss. We do fight with her at every meal. Lately she hasn't even been eating what she typically likes. Tammy- We do the same thing by making one meal and if she doesn't like it or want to try it then she goes to bed hungry-literally- we don't even offer anything else(I know I may come off as a mean mom by doing this but she HAS to learn that it isn't going to be like this). I do have a meal plan for every week and she does get 3 meals offered and fruit. I also give her Pediasure to help her gain weight as she is 6 days shy of being 6 and only weighs 29lbs.
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12 months ago ::
Jul 14, 2012 - 11:26PM
#9
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Brooke, eating and potty training! Both can be tough and provide us parents with many frustrations. We have a very insightful article, Making Change-Taking Control of Out Son's Diet, written by a dad who was/is having similar eating problems with his son. He explains that the eating plan is based on "Routines are about control. When the world feels chaotic and scary, that control brings comfort and predictability." You can read more here special-ism.com/making-change-taking-con... Best of luck!
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