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5 months ago ::
Jan 03, 2013 - 1:44AM
#11
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Hi Judy, It will be easier having him in a home than in your home and you having to care for him 24/7. I know this sounds harsh, but it's the truth. You will find it stressful enough making time to visit him and take care of all the little things from the outside world he needs. I'm sorry to hear about the prepaid funeral cost being so out of hand. I didn't have that experience with my father. I had the exact opposite and when it came down to it, I actually got a refund because we ended up not having a service. It is costly to for some basic details but Ifelt it was within reason. I wish that you and your husband didn't have to deal with the added stress of crazy funeral costs. I remember trying to personalize my dads room when he was in hospice. There wasn't much space so I just made sure that he had things around him that meant a lot to him and comforted him. He did not adjust well at all. Hospice took him in guessing that he really only had three months of life left in him, he ended up there a full year and never accepted the fact that that was where he needed to be. It's so hard this growing old stuff! I hope it all goes smooth for you and your husband from here on out! Tammy
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5 months ago ::
Jan 05, 2013 - 4:57PM
#12
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Well, yesterday we find out that there is like a 99% chance that he will be rejected by Medicaid, and that he will have to wait out a penalty period before he can reapply. It's a long story, but basically on paper it looks as if he were preparing to go into a nursing home and basically because he dealt almost exclusively in cash and has a ton of gaps in his financial records that we can not account for Medicaid will make him wait out a penalty period. We don't know how long yet, but we are pretty sure we are looking at him living with us for at least 10-12 months. He cant live on his own, and we can't afford to pay for a nursing home privately.
My husband has to pick him up Monday. And we have construction starting on an additional room for him starting in a week. He will be staying in our room until his is done. We currently only have two bedrooms, and we can't displace the kids for a year or all share a room. We were always planning on building a third room, but we were waiting another year or two to get closer to paying off the house.
We are freaking out a little. He was never going to live with us full time, we always had planned for him to be in his own place and arrange for a lot of assistance, then when it was clear that wouldn't work then a nursin home wa the best option. He really needs to be in a nursing home. He needs much more care than we can provide, plus we have a very full family load, but I don't think Medicaid cares much about any of that. We ate really hoping that maybe they will make an exception, or that we can talk to a person instead of just filling out paperwork. And if he is going to be rejected, maybe there is an appeal, but either way, it looks like he is with us for a few months at least.
I'm pretty worried about what the stress is going to do to us. I know I'm going to have to ask for help from friends with the housework because I already struggle to keep up. We are going to have to find ways to get help without breaking the bank as far as someone staying with him when we need family time or have something to attend where it would be too hard to bring him along. We can't even absorb everything right now. We are in shock. We thought everything was going to be fine, and that he was finally in the best place, an all of that had plenty of stress and challenges already.
In less than two days, our lives are going to be very altered. Ummmm...ready or not, here we go?
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5 months ago ::
Jan 05, 2013 - 6:38PM
#13
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Judy, I'm so very sorry that you are dealing with such a stressful situation. I'm sure it's very hard to deal with for many different reasons. Remember, friends are friends for a reason....call on people to help when you need it. People really are kind and will help when asked. I really hope things go okay for your family. Julie
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5 months ago ::
Jan 13, 2013 - 6:35PM
#14
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Wow, you really have a lot going on! My grandmother had Alzheimers when I was in my early 20's. I tried to keep her at home and just couldn't do it. I had a life and was a bit selfish back then, it was really stressful though. I can't imagine having babies at home and dealing with that.
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4 months ago ::
Jan 14, 2013 - 2:56PM
#15
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Oh my gosh Judy! I wish I could find some humor to throw at you but I know what you are going through and I know what you are in for. I have been there. I just felt myself stressing out as well. Take a deep breath and let it out, do that a few times and remind yourself that it is all temporary. You will get this worked out and you will live to tell about it :) I would check with other nursing homes as well. Check with as many as you can. You can try and do a lot of the research over the phone to help with the time factor. Ask how much it is per month. Usually they will take the social security money and leave your father in law with 100 dollars for misc items. In the event that ss is not enough to cover the cost (never is) you can apply for a waiver or assistance through the state I believe. I think it's through medicare. I realize that you said medicare would not likely approve anything but I would keep pressing forward for some better answers. Ask them what they need and do everything you can to get it to them. If they want something you can't provide them with ask what you can get them in place of it. Talk to supervisors if you have to. Be kind with your words and understanding but firm! I don't know exactly what condition he is in, but hospice might be of help as well. If they can't help they may be able to send you in the right direction. One last thing, if he is a veteran, there are options. Judy, hang in there! Tammy
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